Late Night Theories
by Unjax
Summary: Yang and Ruby make a shocking discovery. Weiss isn't so convinced.


"Oh… My... " Yang whispers fiercely, eyes wide as saucers.

"This isn't… Possible…" Ruby whispered from beside her.

"No, it isn't. You two are idiots." Weiss dismissed.

"Weiss… But what if?" Yang cooed, those lilac eyes flicking back to the heiress for the briefest moment before returning to the small bundle of fur tucked under Blake's blanket.

A black cat.

"Neither of you is magical. Neither of you inadvertently turned Blake into a real _cat_." Weiss rolled her eyes and went back to doing homework. "Cat's aren't people, and cat's _can't_ be people."

"Now that's just discriminatory!" Ruby accused, hands on hips.

"No, that's right. Objectively. Quantifiably. There have been billions of people and faunus that have lived on Remnant. Not a single one of them was a cat."

"Well… Blake was part cat." Yang pointed out. "What if she just became full cat?"

"WAIT!" Ruby burst out, hands out wide as if there were a scary intruder. "What if this isn't the first time?"

"Ruby, you are being _so_ ridiculous-"

"WEISS! What if Blake is a ware-cat."

"A ware-? No. Just no."

"Oh… Oh yes…" Yang nodded her head. "You remember when Blake ran away? And we all thought it was because she used to be part of a terrorist organization?"

"That's exactly why she-"

"NO!" Ruby came to her sister's rescue. "What if, and I have credible evidence to back this up, she was sneaking away because she was about to _become a cat?!"_

"Do you want to know the dumbest thing I've ever heard is?" Weiss asked, and Ruby perked up. Yang leant a keen ear. "It's that. What you just said."

"Ah-ah-ah!" Yang tuttued. "It makes sense! What is Blake's favourite food?"

"Tuna,"

"Drink?"

"Whisky."

"Right milk- Wait, what?"

"Whisky."

"How the hell would you know-

"Trust me, it's whisky. And we never talk about this again."

"But how-"

"No."

"When?"

"No."

"With who?"

" _Whom,"_ Weiss corrected.

Yang and Ruby exchanged glances. Then they looked at Weiss, who looked up at them.

"I can't believe you gave whisky to a cat." Ruby said morosely, shaking her head.

"FOR THE LOVE OF-" Weiss let out a long, sharp breath. "Blake. Is. Not. A. Cat."

"The evidence is right in front of your eyes." Yang urged, pointing to the little black cat purring as it slept.

"That's not evidence, that's a cat. Nothing but a stupid cat."

"Hey!" Ruby dropped into her 'mom' voice. "Don't speak about your teammate that way!"

Weiss looked like she was about to break just about everything. The room's temperature dropped a few degrees.

"Now, now, Rubes," Yang laid a hand on her sister's shoulder. "Let's be scientific about this. Weiss, how many times have you seen this cat before?"

"Never,"

"Alright, so have you ever seen this cat and Blake in the same place?"

"No, but-"

"Curious…" Yang hmm-ed contemplatively. "And has Blake in fact been out of your sight in the past?"

"Yes, of course-"

"And do most of those times fall at night?"

"Why-"

"When the moon is out?"

"... I hate both of you."

"Think about it Weiss! What if Blake is a ware-cat?! She loves fish, milk, laser pointers…"

"She's a cat faunus."

"Or… Maybe she's a-"

"No, she's not a ware cat."

"You know, maybe she's right Yang."

"Traitor…" Yang growled at her sister.

"Nonono!" Ruby waved her arms. "Maybe our original propothosis was correct."

"Hypothesis," Weiss corrected.

"So you agree it's a legitimate theory!" Yang smacked her fist into her palm, a habitual sign of victory.

"What? No!"

"But you just said it was a hipo-thought-omis."

" _Hypothesis_ ," Weiss corrected, setting her pencil down and rubbing her temples. "Why me… It couldn't have been Pyrrha or Velvet or even that idiot Jaune that got put on this team… It just had to be me…"

"To be fair, what kind of word could you make out of R-J-B-Y? That would just be silly." Yang offered with a shrug.

"Anyways, you said twas a corrected theorory!" Ruby proclaimed with a grin.

" _It's a correct theory."_ Weiss corrected once more through gritted teeth, then her eyes went wide. "Wait! No, I-"

"And from the horse's own mouth." Yang says with a mischievous grin, pressing the replay button on her scroll.

" _It's a correct theory."_ The little video image of Weiss proclaimed rather angrily.

"But it's not!"

"That's what Weiss Schnee says." Ruby tweaked an eyebrow and pointed to the scroll.

"... I… Have no words for you two." Weiss crossed her arms and looked away in a huff.

"Are you saying you wish to reject this theory?" Yang offered the option far too willingly, but Weiss was way past done with this.

"Absolutely."

"We have an alternate one." Ruby offered.

"So do I: Blake isn't a cat."

"Or!" Ruby grinned. "She's a warecat."

"You unfathomably stupid-"

"Hey everyone!" A familiar voice called from the door. Ruby and Yang turned around, and then their shoulders slumped.

"Oh," Yang said dumbly.

"Told you," An overly chipper voice called from behind them.

"It would have been so cool…" Ruby murmured sadly.

"So… _Cool_ …" Yang agreed.

* * *

 _A/N:_

 _Oh so very OOC. Oh so very much fun to write when you haven't had any sleep._

 _Fic a day, and this is the one I'm choosing to publish for no apparent reason._

 _This is cannon for the Cigarettes universe._

 _I'm getting sleep. I need more of it more often. Night all!_

 _Cheers,_

 _-Unjax_


End file.
